About
When I was a kid, I used to go to drawing class after my elementary school with my paternal grandfather. I absolutely hated it. I don't specifically remember why I hated it so much, but I did, and I did hate it deeply. I've never been an artistic person. I enjoyed art (literature, music, cinematography), but I never contributed to it. Heck, I don't think I drew more than 5 paintings for my painting classes throughout my whole time at school because I always asked my mum to do it for me. The only thing I drew willingly was little flags of all countries in the world, which I stuck on the wall next to my desk in my room. I created a self-trapped stigma that I am not a creative person and that anything art-related isn't my thing. I completely lacked skills of self-expression, and I believe art is the greatest form of it.
At the age of 14, I properly held a camera for the first time. It was my maternal grandfather's Fujifilm X-T30 with a Fujinon XF18-55mm F2.8-4.0 kit lens attached. Grandpa bought it in April 2020 during the COVID lockdown, as he wanted to film stars and pick up a new hobby during an incredibly isolated time. I spent a lot of time at their house and honestly never cared about that camera, although I did like taking photos of plants in their garden on my iPhone 7 Plus. My grandpa would softly insist I try the Fuji out, but I didn't until the 2nd of May 2020.
The evening before, on May 1st, we were taking photos of the night sky. No other gear than camera, lens and a tripod. Looking at it now it was a terrible, terrible photo, but it got me interested. I was impressed by the level of intricate settings available to get the perfect shot you wanted, and after seeing how much you could edit a RAW file, I was sold. The next sunny day I got up, took the camera and started photographing the garden flowers. I remember zooming into a photo of miniature pink roses and I was blown away by how sharp the image was and how many details it had.
Since then, I was taking photos of the most random things and posting them on my incredibly cringe Instagram profile. The camera would stay at my grandpa's as I didn't use it that often, but by the end of autumn that same year I pretty much owned it. I remember watching numerous YouTube guides on the camera's technicals, as I was dedicated to shooting everything in manual and RAW right from the very beginning. I've taken more than a hundred thousand photos, both on that X-T30 and my current Fujifilm X-T5. Years passed, and I was taking pictures of bread for my family's bakery business, photographing planes and eventually receiving a significant (for me at least) monetary gift from a local airline.
Photography became my mental escape and the form of self-expression I didn't know I was yearning for. I remember one evening taking photos of puddles and blurry traffic lights on the wet ground during rain with a long exposure. I was yearning for a girl I really liked at school, and I was also generally coping with my teenage years – if you're older than 18, you probably know what I mean. Somehow, some random thoughts in my mind would translate into me pointing my camera somewhere, changing settings and choosing the timing of pressing the shutter button. I vividly remember that evening. It was me exploring my very own mind, although it was a bit forced. The photos were terrible, by the way. But it gave birth to my spirit somewhere in my soul to keep pursuing photography.
Today, photography for me is literally how I see the world, and this project is my attempt at sharing my thoughts and feelings throug light and colour. I just want to know that somewhere there's a little part of me existing, and I like that somewhere to be this website.
Special credits to my mum for taking the photo of me in Aral Sea. 3rd of April 2025, 07:06.